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User blog:ThisOnePerson/Wiki Shameless S1E01 - Pilot
some stuff could be triggering- Note: I know it's kind of uncreative, but the first scene is pretty similar to the actual show's first scene, but the dialogue and narrations and shit are gonna be different. Rob, Sarah, Ari, Kieran, Jo, Red, Catie, and Cam are at an illegal bonfire. Rob Narrating: "We're not your typical American family. We don't have a white picket fence and live in a neighborhood where you can leave your cars unlocked. We are the real deal and no one fucks with us" My sister, Sarah. Real deal partner in crime. She helps me keep shit together and is a true example of what a role model is. Flashback to Sarah at a rave Sarah: "I'M DRUNK AND HOT, MOTHERFUCKERS!!" -drunkingly jumps into crowd- Rob Narrating: "My brother Ari is something else. He's excellent at keeping his grades up, but I always seem to receive complaints about him hooking up with some girl in a forbidden area." Flashback to Ari with a girl in his bedroom Ari's Girlfriend: "Now this is what I call tutoring." -As Ari gives her oral- Rob Narrating: "Kieran's not so interested in school and I'm not so sure about him these days." Flashback to Kieran recruiting for the Army Kieran: "Hi, is it to late to join?" Rob Narrating: "My other sister, Jo is one of the sweetest, smartest, and gentle people on the planet. You'd never know she's been anywhere near this dump." Flashback to Jo at the park Jo: -slaps random girl in the face- "YOU WANNA FUCK WITH ME, BITCH?" FUCKING BRING IT!" -proceeds to catfight- Rob Narrating: "My youngest brother Red seems to keep to himself. But his teacher told me to keep an eye on him and to this day I don't know what the fuck she's talking about." Flashback to Red in his bedroom Red: -holds a squirrel and lit blow torch- Rob Narrating: "Catie and Cam, my best friends. Cam is the best co-worker I could ever ask for. I can tell they'll be together forever because they're known to have the best sex in town." Flashback to Catie and Cam in their bedroom Catie: '''-sprays whipped cream on Cam while in the missionary position- "You like that, baby?" '''Cam: -smiles- "More than anything -both proceed to having wild sex- Rob Narrating: "And me? I'm an excellent caretaker for these kids. I may have fucked up here and there, but we'd all be in jail or some shit if I didn't step in after Frank ran away. No one fucks with the Gallaghers." Police roll in Rob: "Oh shit, guys. Run!" -Everyone runs away before the police catch them- The Gallaghers in the kitchen the next day Sarah: "Rob, we really need to start having bonfires I don't know, HERE. We're about one away from being on America's Most Wanted." Rob: "Oh, police station wasn't that bad last night. Officer Miller and I had a really good conversation about the envrionment last night." Sarah: '''-smirks- "Humor me" '''Rob: -pinches Sarah on the cheek- "Listen up, children. School starts in two days. Better start getting in the habit of going to bed earlier than 4am starting tonight. Let's reduce the numbers of calls I get from your schools telling me you fell asleep on the bathroom floor for the whole day." Ari: "Oh my fucking god, it was one time. And I was studying for the SAT until 2am for fuck sake." Jo: "Or were you fucking that Jackson girl in the back of her car the whole night?" Sarah and Rob: "Jo!" Ari: -sarcastically- "I hate you all." -Leaves the room- Catie and Cam walk in '' '''Catie:' "Sarah, we need to go to the fucking club tonight." Sarah: "We were just there 3 nights ago though." Catie: "I know, but there's a new one opening in a safer area. We can finally strut our shit without some pervert cruising us now." Sarah: '''-turns to Rob- "Do you need me tonight?" '''Rob: "Mmmm, not really" Sarah: "Catie, we're going to the fucking club tonight." Catie: "Atta girl!" Sarah and Catie leave the room Rob: -Hands Cam a beer- "You ready to start managing that piece of shit bar today?" Cam: '''"No, but I am ready for more money." '''Rob: "That's the spirit. So have you decided if we should ban Chester or not?" Cam: '''"I don't know, man. Part of the reason why that place is still up and running is because of that drunken fucker." '''Rob: "But he's gotten into too many fights and many of the customers have filed restraining orders on him. I really don't need the fuzz on my ass because of him." Cam: "True, but he's the reason why we have jobs. Maybe we need more time to think this through. He could've redeemed himself in the past two days." Rob: '''-laughs- "Oh I doubt it." '''Cam: "Yeah..." Ari and Kieran go to Yazzy's house Kieran: '"Ari, are we really going to ''her house?" '''Ari: "Yes. Yes we are. And her name is Yazzy." Kieran: "Dude, I've heard things about Yazzy. Why are you making me go here?" Ari: "Don't believe every CC tells you. Plus, I need my brother to get to know my... friend." Kieran: "Ohhh, you got it bad, don't you? Was Jo not lying this morning?" Ari: "Shut the fuck up." -knocks on Yazzy's door- Dani: -Answers the door and looks at Ari and Kieran- "Um, hi?" Ari: "Hello, is Yazzy here." Dani: "I don't know, what could you possibly want with her?" Ari: "Well we're kind of friends and she invited us over." Yazzy: -sneaks up behind Dani- "Hey Ari! Come on in!" Dani: -snarls- Yazzy, Ari, and Kieran walk up to her bedroom Yazzy: -whispers to Ari and Kieran- "Sorry about that, she just came home and finalized a divorce with her husband last month and she is pissed. Dani: "I HEARD THAT." Yazzy: '"FUCK OFF." '''Kieran: '"I'm sorry to hear that." '''Ari: "Is she always like that?" Yazzy: "Since the day I started to remember things." Kieran: "Off topic. Yazzy, is the rumor about you and that football player from Ohio true?" Ari: "KIERAN!" Yazzy: "Ari, it's okay. I'm not gonna confirm or deny anything. But let's just say not as innocent as I look. Right, Babe?" -looks at Ari- Ari: -blushes- Yazzy: "Come on, show your brother how you feel about me." Ari: "Ugh, if you insist." -The two make out and Yazzy straddles Ari- Dani: -Walks in- "OH HELL TO THE NO. I FUCKING KNEW IT. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Ari: "It's not what it looks like." Dani: "Liar. Get the fuck out or I'm calling the police, pervert." Kieran: "He's telling the truth!" Dani: "You too! Now!" Ari and Kieran run out of the house Kieran: "Okay, seriously. How the fuck did you not know her sister is batshit insane?" Ari: "Yazzy doesn't tell me jack shit about her family." Kieran: "You're obviously in love with and fucking her. How could you not?" Ari: "Who do you think I am? Romeo?" Kieran: "I'm starting to get that vibe." Ari: "Fuck you." The two keep running towards their home Later that night, Sarah and Catie arrive at the club and dubstep plays in the background Sarah: '''"Oh my god, this club is fan fucking tastic." '''Catie: "Bitch, you did not just say that out loud." Sarah: "Sue me." Catie: "See you in court." -the two laugh and start dancing- They dance for about 45 minutes until Sarah feels something abnormal Catie: "Sarah, who the fuck is that behind you?" Sarah: -sees that some random guy is trying to seductively dance with her- "Hey, get the fuck away fro me!" Random guy: "Hell no!" Catie: -approaches him- "HEY GET AWAY FROM HER, PERVERT." Random guy: "Fuck you, bitch." -shoves her away- Sarah: "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME NOW!" Voice from a distance (Nick): "She said the fuck off of her!" -punches random guy- Nick: "Get the fuck out. NOW! -pushes guy away and goes away- Hey, are you two okay?" Sarah: '''"Yeah, I'm fine. Catie?" '''Catie: "Same. Dumb fuckers can't cut us a break." Nick: "You gotta be careful at these places. Perverts are ruthless." Sarah: '"Amen." '''Nick: '"Do you guys want some drinks. You look like you need it after that shit." '''Sarah: "Sorry, I don't take alcohol from strangers. Especially at clubs." Nick: "Right. -hands them both money- Go crazy." Sarah: "You sure?" Nick: "Not a problem." Sarah: "Hey, wait over at the couches over there. We will be right back." Sarah and Catie head to the bar Catie: '''"Girl, you got some skills." '''Sarah: "What do you mean?" Catie: "Did you not see the way he was looking at you? And he fucking handed us money. Who even does that." Sarah: "He wasn't looking at me in any way. We don't even know each other. He probably just felt bad for us" Catie: "Have you not heard of love at first sight? Don't be a wuss. I know you wanted some too." Sarah: -blushes- "Fuck off." Catie: "Don't fight it." Sarah: -rolls eyes- They order their drinks and head back to Nick Nick: "Look who made it back alive!" Catie: "People are usually afraid of us, what do you expect?" Nick: "I see. I'm Nick, by the way." Catie: "I'm Catie and that flawless human being is Sarah." Sarah: "Catie! I can speak for myself" Catie: '''"Sarah, don't you want our new friend to get to know the real you?" '''Sarah: "Nick, ignore her. She thinks we're gonna be married and raise a family by tomorrow." Nick: '''"Hey, you never know when we're going to revert back to the 1500s." '''Sarah: "I'll be the first woman in town to be stoned to death then." Nick: "Not if we run into the enchanted forest first." The three continue to talk for the next couple hours Catie: -looks at her phone- "Shit, it's 1am and Cam just sent me a text saying that he had a bad day at work and needs to vent." Sarah: "Fuck, we should probably get going soon." Catie: '''"Fucking Chester was at it again, probably." '''Sarah: "Can they just lock that man up?" Catie: "Nick, we gotta jet. Nice talking to you." Sarah: "Wait. Nick, wanna come along with us?" Nick: "Um, sure?" Catie: "Nick, would you hold on just a sec?" Catie takes Sarah to a corner Catie: '''"What the fuck are you doing? '''Sarah: "He seems cool and... different. Why the fuck not? Plus, didn't you want this?" Catie: "He could be just like that guy on the dance floor. You know my drunk ass isn't always serious" Sarah: "If he is, we'll kick his ass in an ally. But right now, he's coming home with us. I'm gonna be ruthless tonight." Catie: '''"Fine. But he's going with Chester into solitary if he fucks up." '''Sarah: "He's not like Chester. It will be fine." They go back to Nick Sarah: "Come on, Nick. We're gonna party it up Gallagher style at my house." Nick: "Sounds great! Let's go." Catie: -Grabs Nick's arm- "I'm on to you, bro." The three head back to the Gallagher residence and find Rob and Cam lounging on the couches Catie: '''"Okay, what the fuck did Chester do this time?" '''Sarah: "Seriously, please put him in jail. He's ruining your lives." Cam: '''"He drank too much scotch and danced naked on the bar." '''Rob: "How is that place still open?" Catie: '''-flops on Cam's lap- "I didn't need that image in my head." '''Cam: "You're the one that asked." Catie: "You got me there." -they kiss- Rob: '-turns and sees Nick- "Who the fuck is this?" '''Sarah: '"Rob and Cam, this is my new friend, Nick." 'Rob: '-Stands up and walks towards them- "How's it going? I'm Rob" -shakes his hand- '''Nick: "Who's this Chester you guys speak of?" Cam: '''"Our most frequent customer that we despise, but he brings in the big bucks. I'm Cam by the way." '''Sarah: "These two clowns just got a management position and have the power to ban him from being there, yet they won't." Nick: '''"Do you guys need me to kick someone's ass? I can do that pretty well. Right, Sarah?" '''Rob: "Are you willing to take a bouncer job for no pay?" Nick: "I'll think about it." Catie: "Guys, we've only known Nick for like 3 hours. Don't make him a family member just yet." Sarah: "Catie!" Rob: "Well in that case. -Takes a condom out of his pocket and hands it to Nick- If this is some one night stand shit, don't be fucking shit up, got it?" Sarah: "Oh my god.. You guys are awful." Nick: "Sarah, it's fine. You're lucky you have a protective family." Sarah: "Let's go up to my room so my protective family stops meddling in my shit." Sarah and Nick head upstairs Catie: "Don't be too loud up there!" Sarah: "Shut the fuck up!" Catie: "Are we being too hard on her?" Cam: "It's really unusual to see her move so quickly with someone she just met." Rob: "She's an adult, though. Let her make her own decisions. However, I hope she's careful." Catie: "Amen, Rob. Maybe he's not as sketchy as I'm making him out to be. Maybe he's just like the rest of us." Cam: "That's the spirit, babe." In Sarah's Room Sarah: "I'm so sorry they're all so annoying. They're much more chill than that, believe me." Nick: "It's fine. They're actually hilarious. I wish my family were more like that." Sarah: "Are you sure about that?" Nick: '''"I like new things." '''Sarah: "Oh my god, is it seriously 2am? I'm so sorry for bringing you to this side of town this late. I'm such an idiot." Nick: "It's not that bad." Sarah: "You can stay here for the night if you want. I don't want you getting jumped or some shit because I dragged you here. Sleep in my bed right here if you want." Nick: "Only if you sleep with me." Sarah: "You sure about that?" -They sit next to each other- Nick: "Why the fuck not?" -They start making out and the screen goes blank- Another note: I kind of had to cut things off due to time, so my expected timeline of things might be altered a bit. So bare with me xD Category:Blog posts